Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
