he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
