my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
