just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
