I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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