i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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