Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
