wrigley field is MILF paradise
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
