I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
