I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
