I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
