I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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