Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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