so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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