I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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