I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
