Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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