"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
