Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
