Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
