You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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