I didn't shave. On purpose
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
