kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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