I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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