I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
