Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
