I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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