She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
