don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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