i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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