I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
