im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
