i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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