its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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