I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
