hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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