You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
