ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
