Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
