I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
