There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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