I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
