I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
