I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
