I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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