I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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