but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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