ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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