Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
high people should be assigned attendants
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
