I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
