I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
